What has changed is ‘Me’

Its been 4 months since I have been working at IndiGo. Life has changed a lot since then. Before joining IndiGo I was studying at Mumbai university. I used to travel to university by local train and followed by bus. I never liked my daily routine. But I had no other alternative. I still remember how tired I used to feel while traveling during those peak hours. From Nerul to Kurla station in local train and then to Mumbai university by BEST bus. After finishing lectures, I used to stand at bus stop during rush hours. Life was very hectic.

But now after 4 months, everything has changed. To operate flights, I travel to airport on same road which passes close to Mumbai University. It’s a road on which i have spent my past three years of college life. Earlier I used to travel by BEST bus and now I travel in sedan car with chauffeur on board. Whenever I pass by university gate, I get emotional. Few months ago i was here, lost and tired. But I had hopes. And now I am living my life which i had dreamed of. Its a same road, it has same potholes, buses are same, bus stands are same, rush of passengers is same. World has remained same as it was. But what has changed is me.

When i was jobless, I used to visit a Jari mari. This place is very close to runway 27 of Mumbai airport. I used to sit there for hours just watch aircrafts taking off and land. But now when I operate a flight from Mumbai, I see Jari Mari from my cockpit window. I have an emotional attachment with that place. Few months ago, I used to sit there and dream about sitting in cockpit. And now i am living a dream life. Aircrafts are same, airport is same, runway is same, Jari mari is same. But what has changed is me.

I often operate Goa flights. I really enjoy flying over goa. Specially while landing on runway 08 of Goa. For this approach, aircraft flies over sea and lands on runway which is few hundred meters away from water. I still remember that time in january 2014, I was in deep trouble. I had failed in university exam, had suffered a heart break and had few financial issues. It was a very tough time. So, to make myself relax, I planned Goa trip with Deepak. I had no money back then so Deepak financed it. When in Goa, I visited Baga beach, Aguada fort, Chapora fort and other places. I remember the evening which we spent at Chapora fort. Me and deepak were lying on defensive wall of Chapora fort. On his phone, Deepak played hallelujah song by Jeff Buckley. As sun went down the sea, i went emotional. I felt was very helpless and lost. I closed my eyes and concentrated on lyric. After few minutes, calm breeze, shining stars and music made me relax. After few moments, I opened my eyes and right there in open dark sky I saw one aircraft was flying over beautiful skies of Goa. That aircraft flew west to east right over my head. I was lying there and was dreaming myself in that aircraft. Music, sound of waves, stars and aircraft gave me courage to believe in myself. Those 20 minutes spent there made me strong enough to fight against odd.

Last week when I flew out of Goa, I gave a quick glance at beach. There I could see Aguada fort, Baga beach and Chapora fort. And suddenly series of memories had flashed in my mind. I have achieved my dream of being in airplane which flew over Goa. It was same Goa, beach was same, Chapora fort was same. But what has changed is me.

I always knew I deserve better place  in life. Since last one year, the whole world has remained same. But what has changed is me. Time does not stop but it changes for sure. It changed for me because I had a dream and only thing I did was – I protected my dream.

Be a dreamer. Life has awesome surprises ahead.

A real beginning of Happy Days

Ahh! Its was an awesome month of August. I still cant believe that everything happened very fast. It was a magical journey. It all started in month of July when i received an email from HR of IndiGo Airlines asking to send documents for written exam at New Delhi for the post of Junior first officer. That was an unexpected invitation. I had no hopes from IndiGo Airlines to conduct exam for A320 type rated pilots. But it happened. Happened for a good reason.

I studied hard for this exam. I did not want to repeat the same mistake i did while studying for GoAir exam. Though i cleared GoAir exam, i was not having enough confidence while undergoing interview. IndiGo written exam was scheduled on 23rd July and i decided to fly to delhi a night before. By midnight of 23rd I landed at New Delhi and decided to spend a night at T3. After studying till 4am i fell asleep at the airport waiting lounge. It was not at all comfortable to rest on those metal benches. But somehow i managed. By 7’o clock i got up, changed cloths and headed towards exam centre. I decided not to cheat in this exam. I did not ask for help from any fellow candidates. I just wanted to be honest with myself. I knew i have taken a lot of efforts while preparing for this. Exam was good.

After two days, i got a notification of email on my iPad. It was a result of written test. I successfully cleared it. I jumped with a joy. It was the happiest moment of the month. I thanked myself for this awesome gift.

During next 20 days, i underwent next three stages of selection process. Written test was followed by CASS (psychometry test), Technical & HR interview and Simulator check. By 17th August, i had cleared all four stages and now waiting for an official joining letter from IndiGo Airlines. I am sure i will be receiving it very soon.

This period of July-August was a life changing period for me. I never thought life would give me so many surprises. In this period i had cleared graduation exams, RTR license renewal, i cleared all stages of IndiGo Airlines. And one more special incident occurred in this period. I called McDonalds at Secunderabad where i met Divya ‘ A girl with golden smile’. I found McD’s phone number from online directory, i inquired about her, someone told me she had left the job few months ago. I requested to relay my message to her. Message was “Call me”.

After one and half hour, i got a call from her. She was very happy that i remembered her and could not believe we were talking. I was in tears of happiness after we talked. I never thought i would be able to contact her. She was equally missing me like i did. She tried to find me everywhere on facebook/google plus/other social media. She said she always had faith that someday we will meet. Its a small world. It was ‘Friendship day’ when i found her. This was the best friendship day ever in my life.

Back in 2012 at McDonalds, we used to look at each other and smile. We did not talked much. Like in hindi they say आंखो हि आंखो मे बाते. Her smile made me forget every sorrow in my life. I have always seen her in McD uniform. All the time she wore a cap during her working shift. Now after two years when she showed me her photo, i was stunned. She is a really beautiful girl. I seriously did not expect her to be so beautiful. Actually at McD i never noticed anything except her smile and beautiful eyes. It was a beautiful shock for me.

I like her and i know she likes me too. But there is always a perfect time for every thing. I am not forcing myself to fall for her nor i don’t want her to do same at this moment. She believes in destiny. If its written, it will happen. I believe same.

She is very lucky for me. I found her and within two weeks time, i did clear all stages at IndiGo Airlines. I do want to stay lucky forever with she next to me.

I never thought life will bring me bundle of happiness after a very tough time. Few months ago I was a broken man with lots of depression. But i kept on believing in myself. I knew it was a temporary sorrow. Life will be awesome very soon. Then i took 100happydays challenge. It really changed my life. And made me extremely positive person. Now i am stronger than ever and aiming high in my life. I want life to surprise me with lots of joy and happiness. Its a real beginning of happy days.

My previous posts about ‘A girl with golden smile’Part 1, Part 2

My post previous about 100happydays – What I learnt in #100HappyDays?

What I learnt in #100HappyDays?

Today i successfully completed 100happydays challenge. I am feeling very happy. I never thought i would be able to complete it. But i did it. I did not realise how fast these 100 days passed. Everyday i decided to do something different which kept me happy. During these 100 days, i discovered various ways to keep myself happy. Being happy is easy but extending it for 100 days was a big task. I kept faith in myself, i kept on telling my self “Everything is prefect, Everything is alright, I am gonna win”

This 100 days challenge was not just to tell people that i can stay happy forever, but it was to discover myself and finding a reason to stay happy. In these 100 days i realised one thing and that is ‘we should not find a reason to stay happy. Happiness is everywhere. Its just our mind which is stealing our happiness. Keep your mind aside. Listen to your heart.’

The day i started this challenge, i was very angry on my life. My life sucked at that time. I had a heartbreak, i suffered a failure in major events. It was a tough time. I desperately wanted to get out of it. I found www.100happydays.com while reading on internet and within very next moment i decide to take this challenge thinking this will change my life.

A positive aspect of 100happydays is i kept on looking happiness in each and every thing. I never stayed dependent on few specific thing. I found happiness minute things like kids playing cricket/ writing notes to myself/ driving to countryside/ watching sunset etc. While starting this challenge i had decided that i will not spend much money to buy happiness. I wanted a pure happiness. This helped me to learn how to stay happy even if i am sucking at money. Few times i faked happiness. It was because i used to get very sad thinking about past. But those fake happiness used to make me happy for a change. It was like i was fooling my mind that everything is fine and i am happiest person in this world. This helped a lot.

Lot of my friend took this in funny way. Many made jokes about it. Some even commented that i am going stupid. I used to feel bad. But i ignored. Only i knew that the moment was special. Only i can know how beautiful life was during that moment. It was my happy moment and only i knew importance of it. Comments and jokes from friends helped me to adapt one more important skill. That is ignoring what does not matter to me. This really helped. This was the biggest achievement of this challenge.

Now after 100 days, i am feeling stronger, happier and focused. I have lot of good thing to do in my life. I have few dream and goal. 100happydays challenge definitely helped me to discover who i am. I took this challenge because i wanted to.

Happiness is a journey. Not a destination

Letting Go of Judging People

I have found this article at zenhabits.net about how to let go of judging people. Its a must read.

One of the best changes I’ve made to help me be happier is learning to see judging other people as a red flag.

Now, I’m not going to pretend I don’t ever judge other people — I think it’s either a built-in method all humans have, or something we develop because of built-in methods. We all judge people, and I’m not an exception.

But I’ve gotten better at noticing when it happens. And recognizing that it’s a sign of something harmful.

The judging itself isn’t bad. It’s what the judging is a symptom of that’s harmful. I say “harmful” instead of “bad” because instead of judging I’d rather observe that it causes harm.

What underlying harmful causes/situations are indicated by my judging people? Well, here are a few:

I am very ignorant of what the person is going through.
I don’t understand the situation.
I have unrealistic expectations of people.
I think I’m superior to other people.
I’m not grateful.
I’m being self-centered.
I’m not being curious, but instead I close off all learning.
I can’t really help the situation from a place of judgment.

How That Happens

Let’s take a fake but typical example so I can show you what I mean (I’m going to bold the symptoms, so forgive the overemphasis):

I see a relative who is actively harming her health, who is overweight and diabetic and yet smokes and eats junk food all the time and does other bad things. I know she can make her health better by changing her habits. I judge her for what she’s doing, think badly of her, get frustrated with her, dismiss her because she’s not worthy of my frustration. This kind of thing happens with me and lots of other people all the time — just change the details to spouse, co-worker, kid, friend and instead of unhealthy things, they’re doing something else you don’t like.

What’s going on in this example? Well, first, I’m ignorant of what she’s going through and I don’t understand the situation. She’s been depressed because of her health problems, feeling guilty, feeling stuck, feeling scared, untrusting of herself. Because of these bad feelings, she doesn’t like to think about health, and makes herself feel better through smoking and comfort food. She’s just trying to be happy. And in fact, I do the same kinds of things all the time — I fail. I feel bad. I comfort myself. So I’m not superior, even if I think I am.

What’s more, I’m not being grateful for the great person she is, despite her health problems. She’s wonderful. By focusing on judging her, I’m not appreciating that. Instead, I’m being self-centered by focusing on how much better I am, how she’s frustrating me, how my frustration is more important than any pain she’s feeling. I’m not being curious about who she is, what she’s going through and why … instead I have made a judgment and that stops all inquiry. And from this place of judgment, I can’t help because I have closed off dialog, and have written her off.

You can see how all of these things are harmful. They make me frustrated and unhappy, they harm my relationship with this lovely person, they stop communication and learning, they don’t allow me to help alleviate suffering, they close me off to what she has to offer me. Among other harms.

How to Let Go of Judging

First be aware that you’re doing it, and see it as a red flag. It’s not horrible to judge, but it’s a good sign that other things are going on that are harming you and others.

This takes practice. But there are symptoms that tell you you’re judging — if you feel angry or frustrated or dismissive of someone. If you’re complaining about someone, or gossiping about them. These are signs you’re judging. Recognize what’s going on.

After you notice the red flag, pause and be curious. Don’t get mad at yourself, but be curious:

Why are you judging?
What expectations do you have that are unrealistic?
What can you guess about what the other person is really going through?
Can you find out more? (This isn’t always realistic but sometimes you can.)
What about the other person can you appreciate?
Can you get out of your self-centeredness and put yourself in the other person’s shoes?
Can you imagine a time when you were going through something similar?

Once you’ve done that, ask yourself: How can you help? What does this person need? Sometimes they just need someone to listen, someone to be a friend, someone to not judge, someone to accept them. Sometimes they need more — advice, a guide, a hug.

But you can’t help them from a place of judgment. Only when you let go of the judgment that has arisen, and come to a place of acceptance and curiosity and empathy, can you really help. And incidentally, you’ll be a lot happier in the process.

A dreamer’s life has begun

Last time i wrote a blog post about my birthday. I really felt nice and special on my birthday. There were few moments in past week when i was again trapped in sad memories. But i am glad that duration of those sad moments were shrunk to few hours. Whenever i used to feel sad, i used to do things which i love most. I watched movies on my laptop, surfed YouTube for funny videos and also diverted my mind by watching porn. I was listening to trance for past few months. Trance is like self-healing for me. It kept me away from all bullshit thoughts. In other respect, trance made me angry too. While in gym, i used to listen to trance and i showed all anger on workout. Once i ran 8 Km while listening to trance. I just kept going. It wont be wrong if I say that i was punishing myself during workout. While lifting weights i used to think “Why it happened to me? Why did I take it casually? Why am I a looser?”. My body suffered a lot during workout. But it turned out to be in positive way for me. In this process I lost calories in my body and now I am lean and healthy.

Since after my birthday i have become a different person(here is my blog post about my birthday). I have stopped chasing people. I started believing that ‘No matter what happens, right people will stay and wrong ones will get eliminated eventually’. This elimination was not easy to accept but after couple of months now i feel that was the best thing ever happened to me. Everything what happens, happens for good cause. People who never deserved me, got eliminated from my life. I thank those who helped me to learn lesson in life.

During these times, i kept telling myself that i am not a bad person. I never did bad to anyone. Good things will happen to me. Few days ago my ex sent me text at night. She was upset with few family issues. We exchanged chats for few minutes. She just wanted to share few things as she felt i was best person to talk to. Later next day, I received a call from a girl for which I had feelings (later i was heartbroken. See story here). She topped her exam and wanted to share this news with me. I am happy for her. I am glad that she remembered me during her happy moments.

From these two incidents, i realized that i am not a bad person. If i was a bad person then i would have not received a call/text from people who parted away from me.

I have forgiven them who left me and cheated on me. They have done thousands of good things for me and did just one thing which hurt me. Value of things which hurt me is nothing in front of values of all good things and good memories i had with them. I have retained positive aspects and let go all sad memories.

Prologue

I have chosen not to look back. No story has a perfect ending. Every story ends with new beginning. This time new is me and after 40 posts its a true beginning of ‘Nemozine – A dreamer’s life’ blog

Being myself on birthday

Its been three months we are in year 2014 and for the first time i felt nice and happy. I have taken #100happydays challenge on Instagram where i upload a photograph of happiest moment of the day. It surprisingly helped me to stay happy and not to think about things which makes me sad.
My birthday was 21st day on #100happydays list. I wanted my birthday to be the most beautiful birthday ever. So first thing i decided is not to expect any gifts, wishes and visits from friends and family. Half of the problems are solved when we don’t expect anything in return.

My birthdays in 2011 and 2012 were not so awesome due to various reasons. On my last birthday in 2013 i was at hostel room in Hyderabad. All my friends visited me at 12am. There was no electricity. I cut cake in bright focus of mobile phone flashlights. I was taken to dark common room for birthday bumps. That was best birthday till 2013. So i wanted this birthday to be better than previous.

Snickers in morning

Before birthday midnight i was reading Bhagavad- Gītā. Reading Bhagavad- Gītā keeps me positive and motivated. It was 12 am and i was about to finish Chapter 1. I slept thinking about Arjuna’s thoughts about Mahabharata.
After very long time i had a deep sleep. When i woke up, i saw mummy coming close and she wished me with my favourite ‘Snickers’ chocolate. I hugged her and could not stop smile.

I got ready to attend lecture at Mumbai University. When i reached, everyone was happy to see me. All my friends hugged and wished me. After lecture we all friends had lots of fun while making paper-planes and rockets. I could see smiles everywhere.

Queen

After lecture i went to library and stayed there till noon. As i decided not to expect anything from anyone, i went to watch a film. I got in to auto rikshaw and headed towards Phoenix Market City. I booked a ticket for ‘Queen’ movie. I loved it. After long tome i watched a movie alone. Last time i watched a movie alone was Namastey London. Kangana Ranaut is awesome in this movie. Queen made my day.

View from Jari Mari

After movie i went to Subway and ordered My favourite 6 inches long Chicken Ham sub. With take away sub I headed towards Jari Mari. By then i was 5 pm. From Jari Mari one can have view of whole Mumbai Airport. Jari Mari is one of my favourite places in Mumbai. I saw aircrafts landing and taking off. Nothing is magnificent than looking at aircrafts touching down on runway and that white smoke due to friction between aircraft tire and runway.

image

After Jari Mari i travelled to Marine Drives. I wanted to see birthday sunset at Marine Drives. I always wanted to spend my birthday there. This year i made it possible. As i reached there, sun was just few degrees from horizon. I kept looking at that beautiful scene. I was very happy to be there. While sitting there, i did not miss anyone. I was feeling pure and happy. I did not think of those who left me, who cheated on me or those things which made me unhappy. I kept all negativity out of my brain.

Shev Poori
image

As i reached home at 9pm, mom had made delicious Shev poori. She got a pastry for me which i later cut ( assuming it as a cake). Dad was not at home. He had gone to Nasik for some work. I missed him. 

On my birthday i just stayed alone and happy. Not being dependent on anyone for happiness is best feeling. I felt like king of my own kingdom and there were no sorrows in my kingdom. Many people who are close to me, forgot to wish me on the day. But i just did not care.
By now i have learned to stay happy alone. I have started enjoying my own company. I have realised, i always kept myself within boundaries. But now for the first time i could break those boundaries. I am feeling like i am a free bird.

p.s. This is my first post via iPad. I prefer physical keyboard on laptop. Today gave a try with iPad. Enjoyed typing onscreen.

The process of happiness and Support

What a person wants in his life? All the hard work he does is for what reason? What is ultimate goal of his efforts? What he expects from his surrounding? All these questions may have different meaning but their answers lies in one word. And that word is ‘Happiness’. Happiness is answer to all the questions in his life. Motive behind every act of human is related to happiness. A man earn money to serve his and his family’s needs to stay happy. Alcohol addict fill his glass with wine to forget his sorrow and feel happy. This may be an artificial happiness but this happiness which lasts for short time, makes him to forget his all sorrows.

Happiness is an extremely tricky word. A man can do anything to get happy. Anything means he can go to all possible limits. Those limits can be positive or negative. He don’t bother about sufferings he will experience while going to various limits. All he know is that at the end there is a pleasant situation which will make him forget his sorrows and live better life. That pleasant situation is called as Happiness.

Human psychology of happiness is a vast field of study. I am not a great learner of human psychology. This post may be conflicting with studies done by experts. This is purely based on my thinking.

Lets get back to Happiness. Path of happiness is not always easy. Sometimes this path turns out so bad that a person has to choose between vital sections of his life. So while choosing between those things, he makes various mistakes. He looses many opportunities. And yes – he looses his dear ones. This is not in all cases when he looses support of his dear ones. But according to studies, in about 73% of cases, it was found that the person who is working hard to achieve happiness tends to hurts his dear ones. And in about 49% of cases his dear one end up in fight and then they part away. This is very sad part of the process of happiness when his dear ones leave him. He does all hard work just to see him and his dear one happy. But this process is so complected that it may cause blunder in ones life. At this time a person may loose hopes and may shatter very badly. He does all efforts to see his people happy and he expects support from his people. “Support” is a vital aspect of any Happiness process. It can be called as catalyst in this process. When he get support, this process goes in smooth flow. without support it becomes hard to survive. Once damage done, it is very difficult to repair.

Support and Happiness process can be called as two sides of a coin. Both sides have to be with each other.

A man starts Happiness process keeping in mind ‘future together’ with dear ones. But lack of support from his dear ones end up in breaking relation and sorrow. There is only one thing i can tell to those who dont get support from their dear ones.

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. Forget past and get happy again

img
Support is temporary. Happiness is Forever