It’s a time to dream BIG

Life has changed. After a long struggle and patience, life has become awesome. This is what i was dreaming of in past few years. Now I have achieved my dream, its a time to dream big. I am a dreamer and wont stop dreaming.

I have experienced lot of good emotions in past months. September was my first working month. On 30th Sept at morning 11:07 am, I received a sms from HDFC bank stating that my first salary has been credited. I got very emotional and called my father. He was very happy for me. On the next day, I flew to Mumbai to meet my parents and handed over my first salary. With my first salary, I gifted dad a new iPhone 5C. His previous phone was highly damaged and in bad condition. With iPhone, now he can FaceTime (Video call) me and can also click photographs. Also mom bought a beautiful saree. I could not meet my sisters as they both were not keeping well. I missed them during my short visit to Mumbai.

I also met ‘The girl who broke my heart’. It was her birthday. I wished her on phone. She wanted to meet. As I got inside her car, I presented her chocolates and a gifts. I kissed her (on cheeks) and said “Happy birthday. May god give you all the happiness, love and health. You were and are very special”. She was emotional because she knew she have messed up our friendship (and my love). I could not see her crying.

Also it was a day which is very special for me and my ex girlfriend. We started dating on same day in year 2008. I still remember the date but did not wish her because I don’t want her to remember her past. She is happy in her present and I want her to stay happy forever.

After couple of days, I flew back to Delhi. 10th October was my graduation day at IndiGo. My parents were in Delhi for the occasion. It was very emotional day for me and my parents. After 4 and half years of patience and struggle, everything was fine. I was in uniform and my parents were feeling proud. That was the first time, I could not control my emotions. I went into tears after receiving epaulettes and training completion certificate.

Right now I am sitting at a luxurious hotel room at Bangalore. Accommodation is arranged by IndiGo. A life which i was dreaming of has begun. Now its a time to dream bigger and grow bigger.

p.s. For the past few weeks, I could feel that ‘Girl with Golden smile’ is trying to avoid me. She did not answer phone calls and messages. I dont know the reason for this sudden change. I did not ask why is she doing this. I may never ask what went wrong because emotion makes us fool and reality makes us stronger.

Good things will happen to me

One saddest thing about being innocent and honest is people take me for granted and try to cheat. I may be smiling but it hurts from inside when someone who is very close to me, tries to do so.

Past couple of months were full of heart breaks and disappointments.

  • I did not clear GoAir interview,
  • I failed in Financial Management exam (for final year of management studies),
  • My ex girlfriend found a new guy (who is no way better than me :p),
  • I had fight with my best friend on Goa trip,
  • I started liking a girl but later found that she was cheating on me (now she is entertaining a new guy. Even he is no way better than me),
  • My family is going through financial crisis

Start for 2014 was eventful. On 6th Jan i was called for interview at GoAir (that was the only awesome thing happened in 2014 for me till date). I studied my ass off for it and gave my best. But i could not impress interviewers to get hired. Getting rejected at airline interview was a biggest disappointment for me.

I could not recover from that shock and in same week i came to know that my ex girlfriend has found a new boyfriend. I have lot of memories with her (my laptop is full of our memories). Suddenly all those memories filled my brain and made me sad. I don’t blame her for what has happened. In fact i am happy for her that someone is taking her good care and keeping her happy. But memories of first hug, first kiss, first rain together, first love will always be stored within my heart.

In that same week, university of Mumbai declared results for final year of management studies (semester 5). Though i topped in two papers, i failed in Financial Management. I suddenly went in to depression. I really wanted to run away from this world and forget all shit has happened to me. Later i planned a Goa trip with my friend. I did not have money to spend so he sponsored my trip along with him. I really had a good time at Goa. But i was not able to forget what had happened with me in last few weeks. I never had stability of mind on that whole Goa trip. I was sad. I wanted to express my sorrowful thoughts to my friend but he was in his own world. I hardly had time to speak my heart out.

Meanwhile since last few months i had become good friend with a girl who stays nearby. We became very close. We used to go for movies, we used to workout together, she said she liked me a lot. I liked her too but i never told her my feelings because memories of my first love was still in my heart. I will never be able to replace my feeling of first love. I was waiting for time to pass so that i could forget old memories and to start developing feeling for this this girl. She cared for me very much. I always felt that this girl is always with me and will support me in every situation. I started having blind faith on her. But since January i noticed one drastic change in her. She had joined aerobics and we were no more working out together. January was a month full of disappointments. i wanted her to stand by me, but she started avoiding me. She kept giving me reasons for everything. Since she was not showing care, i was again dishearten. Suddenly everything changed against me. To recover from this, i had a trip to Goa. But it did not work.

February was eventful month too. My ex called me for help. She had an interview at Jet Airways. She wanted me to teach her few things. Initially i refused to help but later i got ready for it. It was not easy for me to see her again and accepting that she is someone else’s love. When we met i pretended i am alright and happy for her. But i was crying from inside. Later she cleared interview and simulator tests and soon she will be joining Jet Airways.

During that time i wanted my girl (who i liked) to be with me and support me. But she rarely had time for me. When we meet she used to talk about aerobics and a guy who workouts with her. I used to feel dishearten. It added to my stress. I just wanted her to listen to me and be with me but she never gave me that time to hear my heart out. I asked her to spend Valentines days evening with me but she refused it by saying she has aerobics classes and she cant miss those. I did not say anything.

A day after valentines day, i wanted to meet her. She said she will be in library till evening. I desperately wanted to see her because it was raining and weather was very romantic. I drove to her library and planned to wait till evening to see her lovely smile. But then i saw her leaving library in afternoon. She got into car. I wanted to give her surprise but she drove her car away before she could see me coming. I followed her but i could not overtake her due to traffic. After few minutes she stopped her car. I thought to walk towards her and say hi! As i was getting out of my car, i saw one guy entering her car. I was shocked. He was that same guy in her aerobics classes.

She started driving and i followed her. I called her few times while driving but she did not respond despite seeing me on call. She did not notice i was following her. I wanted to know where she was going. She told me she will be in library but in real she was with this person. She drove her car towards movie theater. As she parked her car, i got out and went to her. She was shocked to see me. I did not expect this from her. She cheated on me. I was helpless and cursed my destiny.

On the way back, i was crying in my car. I was a completely helpless soul.

I wish i never had feelings for her. These days i see her driving along with same guy. When i see them together, i die every time. She liked me a lot and said i was very special for her. But i never thought it was a lie.

I always wanted to recover from depression but these series of events made me weak and sad. Its been almost a month, i am recovering from it. Its not easy but i can see improvement within.

In last few months i experienced series of rejections in each and every event. I wrote diary whenever i used to feel low. I kept watching inspiring videos on YouTube. I never stopped working out in gym. I challenge myself in gym and train hard.

be honest anyway

This though period is still not over. But i am sure it will pass by and very soon i will be a strong person. I have promised myself that i will never think of revenge. I will keep doing my karma. Good things will happen to me.