What has changed is ‘Me’

Its been 4 months since I have been working at IndiGo. Life has changed a lot since then. Before joining IndiGo I was studying at Mumbai university. I used to travel to university by local train and followed by bus. I never liked my daily routine. But I had no other alternative. I still remember how tired I used to feel while traveling during those peak hours. From Nerul to Kurla station in local train and then to Mumbai university by BEST bus. After finishing lectures, I used to stand at bus stop during rush hours. Life was very hectic.

But now after 4 months, everything has changed. To operate flights, I travel to airport on same road which passes close to Mumbai University. It’s a road on which i have spent my past three years of college life. Earlier I used to travel by BEST bus and now I travel in sedan car with chauffeur on board. Whenever I pass by university gate, I get emotional. Few months ago i was here, lost and tired. But I had hopes. And now I am living my life which i had dreamed of. Its a same road, it has same potholes, buses are same, bus stands are same, rush of passengers is same. World has remained same as it was. But what has changed is me.

When i was jobless, I used to visit a Jari mari. This place is very close to runway 27 of Mumbai airport. I used to sit there for hours just watch aircrafts taking off and land. But now when I operate a flight from Mumbai, I see Jari Mari from my cockpit window. I have an emotional attachment with that place. Few months ago, I used to sit there and dream about sitting in cockpit. And now i am living a dream life. Aircrafts are same, airport is same, runway is same, Jari mari is same. But what has changed is me.

I often operate Goa flights. I really enjoy flying over goa. Specially while landing on runway 08 of Goa. For this approach, aircraft flies over sea and lands on runway which is few hundred meters away from water. I still remember that time in january 2014, I was in deep trouble. I had failed in university exam, had suffered a heart break and had few financial issues. It was a very tough time. So, to make myself relax, I planned Goa trip with Deepak. I had no money back then so Deepak financed it. When in Goa, I visited Baga beach, Aguada fort, Chapora fort and other places. I remember the evening which we spent at Chapora fort. Me and deepak were lying on defensive wall of Chapora fort. On his phone, Deepak played hallelujah song by Jeff Buckley. As sun went down the sea, i went emotional. I felt was very helpless and lost. I closed my eyes and concentrated on lyric. After few minutes, calm breeze, shining stars and music made me relax. After few moments, I opened my eyes and right there in open dark sky I saw one aircraft was flying over beautiful skies of Goa. That aircraft flew west to east right over my head. I was lying there and was dreaming myself in that aircraft. Music, sound of waves, stars and aircraft gave me courage to believe in myself. Those 20 minutes spent there made me strong enough to fight against odd.

Last week when I flew out of Goa, I gave a quick glance at beach. There I could see Aguada fort, Baga beach and Chapora fort. And suddenly series of memories had flashed in my mind. I have achieved my dream of being in airplane which flew over Goa. It was same Goa, beach was same, Chapora fort was same. But what has changed is me.

I always knew I deserve better place  in life. Since last one year, the whole world has remained same. But what has changed is me. Time does not stop but it changes for sure. It changed for me because I had a dream and only thing I did was – I protected my dream.

Be a dreamer. Life has awesome surprises ahead.

It’s a time to dream BIG

Life has changed. After a long struggle and patience, life has become awesome. This is what i was dreaming of in past few years. Now I have achieved my dream, its a time to dream big. I am a dreamer and wont stop dreaming.

I have experienced lot of good emotions in past months. September was my first working month. On 30th Sept at morning 11:07 am, I received a sms from HDFC bank stating that my first salary has been credited. I got very emotional and called my father. He was very happy for me. On the next day, I flew to Mumbai to meet my parents and handed over my first salary. With my first salary, I gifted dad a new iPhone 5C. His previous phone was highly damaged and in bad condition. With iPhone, now he can FaceTime (Video call) me and can also click photographs. Also mom bought a beautiful saree. I could not meet my sisters as they both were not keeping well. I missed them during my short visit to Mumbai.

I also met ‘The girl who broke my heart’. It was her birthday. I wished her on phone. She wanted to meet. As I got inside her car, I presented her chocolates and a gifts. I kissed her (on cheeks) and said “Happy birthday. May god give you all the happiness, love and health. You were and are very special”. She was emotional because she knew she have messed up our friendship (and my love). I could not see her crying.

Also it was a day which is very special for me and my ex girlfriend. We started dating on same day in year 2008. I still remember the date but did not wish her because I don’t want her to remember her past. She is happy in her present and I want her to stay happy forever.

After couple of days, I flew back to Delhi. 10th October was my graduation day at IndiGo. My parents were in Delhi for the occasion. It was very emotional day for me and my parents. After 4 and half years of patience and struggle, everything was fine. I was in uniform and my parents were feeling proud. That was the first time, I could not control my emotions. I went into tears after receiving epaulettes and training completion certificate.

Right now I am sitting at a luxurious hotel room at Bangalore. Accommodation is arranged by IndiGo. A life which i was dreaming of has begun. Now its a time to dream bigger and grow bigger.

p.s. For the past few weeks, I could feel that ‘Girl with Golden smile’ is trying to avoid me. She did not answer phone calls and messages. I dont know the reason for this sudden change. I did not ask why is she doing this. I may never ask what went wrong because emotion makes us fool and reality makes us stronger.

A dreamer’s life has begun

Last time i wrote a blog post about my birthday. I really felt nice and special on my birthday. There were few moments in past week when i was again trapped in sad memories. But i am glad that duration of those sad moments were shrunk to few hours. Whenever i used to feel sad, i used to do things which i love most. I watched movies on my laptop, surfed YouTube for funny videos and also diverted my mind by watching porn. I was listening to trance for past few months. Trance is like self-healing for me. It kept me away from all bullshit thoughts. In other respect, trance made me angry too. While in gym, i used to listen to trance and i showed all anger on workout. Once i ran 8 Km while listening to trance. I just kept going. It wont be wrong if I say that i was punishing myself during workout. While lifting weights i used to think “Why it happened to me? Why did I take it casually? Why am I a looser?”. My body suffered a lot during workout. But it turned out to be in positive way for me. In this process I lost calories in my body and now I am lean and healthy.

Since after my birthday i have become a different person(here is my blog post about my birthday). I have stopped chasing people. I started believing that ‘No matter what happens, right people will stay and wrong ones will get eliminated eventually’. This elimination was not easy to accept but after couple of months now i feel that was the best thing ever happened to me. Everything what happens, happens for good cause. People who never deserved me, got eliminated from my life. I thank those who helped me to learn lesson in life.

During these times, i kept telling myself that i am not a bad person. I never did bad to anyone. Good things will happen to me. Few days ago my ex sent me text at night. She was upset with few family issues. We exchanged chats for few minutes. She just wanted to share few things as she felt i was best person to talk to. Later next day, I received a call from a girl for which I had feelings (later i was heartbroken. See story here). She topped her exam and wanted to share this news with me. I am happy for her. I am glad that she remembered me during her happy moments.

From these two incidents, i realized that i am not a bad person. If i was a bad person then i would have not received a call/text from people who parted away from me.

I have forgiven them who left me and cheated on me. They have done thousands of good things for me and did just one thing which hurt me. Value of things which hurt me is nothing in front of values of all good things and good memories i had with them. I have retained positive aspects and let go all sad memories.

Prologue

I have chosen not to look back. No story has a perfect ending. Every story ends with new beginning. This time new is me and after 40 posts its a true beginning of ‘Nemozine – A dreamer’s life’ blog

Am i fake blogger?

At this time, i have a lot things to write. I have numerous topics to share on blog. But i am waiting for a perfect time. Every time I click on “New Post” tab and start writing but eventually i realize that this is not perfect time to share it to world through my blog. Today i logged in to WordPress to write about a sensitive topic. But then i realized that this is not time to do so. May be after few months i will write about it.. At this moment i may be in perfect mental condition to write about this topic but i never want to write something which will send negative vibes to reader. 

Image

I prefer writing when i am positive and energetic. It makes me feel motivated when i read my previous posts. But am I being fake? Am i hiding other side of me? I do get low and loose confidence. There is huge amount of stress in my life which I never try to express on my blog. Am i pretending that i am living happy and satisfied life? Sometimes i feel i should also write about my struggle and how i am tackling it in my life. May be it will give me confidence in future when i will be reading my posts. It will be my support during low times. But i fear that my blog will become full of sorrowful posts. I think i should give a try for it. What do you think? Please comment below