Last time i wrote a blog post about my birthday. I really felt nice and special on my birthday. There were few moments in past week when i was again trapped in sad memories. But i am glad that duration of those sad moments were shrunk to few hours. Whenever i used to feel sad, i used to do things which i love most. I watched movies on my laptop, surfed YouTube for funny videos and also diverted my mind by watching porn. I was listening to trance for past few months. Trance is like self-healing for me. It kept me away from all bullshit thoughts. In other respect, trance made me angry too. While in gym, i used to listen to trance and i showed all anger on workout. Once i ran 8 Km while listening to trance. I just kept going. It wont be wrong if I say that i was punishing myself during workout. While lifting weights i used to think “Why it happened to me? Why did I take it casually? Why am I a looser?”. My body suffered a lot during workout. But it turned out to be in positive way for me. In this process I lost calories in my body and now I am lean and healthy.
Since after my birthday i have become a different person(here is my blog post about my birthday). I have stopped chasing people. I started believing that ‘No matter what happens, right people will stay and wrong ones will get eliminated eventually’. This elimination was not easy to accept but after couple of months now i feel that was the best thing ever happened to me. Everything what happens, happens for good cause. People who never deserved me, got eliminated from my life. I thank those who helped me to learn lesson in life.
During these times, i kept telling myself that i am not a bad person. I never did bad to anyone. Good things will happen to me. Few days ago my ex sent me text at night. She was upset with few family issues. We exchanged chats for few minutes. She just wanted to share few things as she felt i was best person to talk to. Later next day, I received a call from a girl for which I had feelings (later i was heartbroken. See story here). She topped her exam and wanted to share this news with me. I am happy for her. I am glad that she remembered me during her happy moments.
From these two incidents, i realized that i am not a bad person. If i was a bad person then i would have not received a call/text from people who parted away from me.
I have forgiven them who left me and cheated on me. They have done thousands of good things for me and did just one thing which hurt me. Value of things which hurt me is nothing in front of values of all good things and good memories i had with them. I have retained positive aspects and let go all sad memories.
I have chosen not to look back. No story has a perfect ending. Every story ends with new beginning. This time new is me and after 40 posts its a true beginning of ‘Nemozine – A dreamer’s life’ blog